High Anxiety #52
by KaitlynRose
Summary: Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease.


I do not own seaQuest or its characters.  I am not profiting from this story.  It is for entertainment purposes only.

AUTHOR'S NOTES:  Before someone accuses me of being to extreme in this story, I would like to try and do a preventive strike.  I really did do a lot of research for the malaria story, its symptoms, its treatments, and the side effects of such treatments.

All I can say is I hope I never get malaria, it is one nasty disease.  As for the treatment, the Centers for Disease Control and the World Health Organization have literally thousands of cases of people around the world having terrible reactions to the drugs used to fight the parasites.  I found incidents of suicide, violent behavior, paranoia, night terrors, hallucinations, hearing and visual problems, convulsions, vomiting, dizziness, abdominal pain, hypoglycemia, anemia, and even coma.  

Some of the testimonials written by people who had these reactions to the drugs are positively scary.  The treatment is almost as bad as the illness.  So I'm not exaggerating in this story as I write about Lucas' side effects.  If anything I could have made them much, much worse.

High Anxiety 

By:  Kaitlyn Rose

Lucas walked down the corridor to the mess making sure to say hi to the people he passed.  He had a smile on his face and made sure to laugh at all of Ben's jokes.  As far as everyone could see he was the picture of perfect happiness.  But inside he felt like he was dying.

It had been four days since he had his second battle with malaria.  Mom had finally let him out of med bay yesterday.  For once he hadn't even fussed to be let out early.  He was still a little weak.  The drugs he was taking to fight the sickness wasn't allowing him to recover very quickly.  He was constantly nauseas and dizzy.  At first the buzzing in his ears was just a little annoying, but now he was going on three straight days of listening to the mind numbing sound and he was mere seconds away from just slamming his head into a wall.

But the worst was this over whelming feeling of hopelessness and sorrow.  Mom and Dad had warned him that the drugs would probably affect his behavior and personality while he was on them.  They said he'd be depressed, but he never expected those feelings to be so all consuming.  At first he had been upset that people were taking turns watching him, following him, but now that he was on day four of his treatment he realized that it was probably a good thing that someone was with him constantly.  Otherwise he just might actually start banging his head into the wall, over and over and over until he literally cracked his skull open.

But with Ben, Katie, Tim, and Miguel babysitting him while Mom and Dad did their shifts, it forced him to try his hardest to stay in control.  He didn't want to do anything embarrassing, or let everyone know just how close he was to completely falling apart.  Hopefully the only two people who saw through his façade were Mom and Dad.  It would only take Dad a second to figure out Lucas was anything but all right, and then he would tell Mom for sure.

"Earth to Lucas!  You still with me?" Ben asked.

"Huh…oh, yeah.  Sorry, just thinkin'."

"So I gathered," Ben teased.

They got to the door to the mess and Lucas stopped.  Just the smell coming from the room made his insides quiver.

"Ben, can we eat later?  I'm not really hungry right now."

"Sorry, no can do kid.  Doc gave me very strict orders.  Lunch at noon.  Well it's noon, and for my own health and welfare, we're eating lunch."

"Damn it!  I'm not a little kid who needs to be told what to do every fucking minute of every day!" Lucas suddenly exploded.  "I'm capable of eating when I want to, and right now I don't fucking want to!"

Several people in the mess turned to look at the boy who was currently throwing one hell of a temper tantrum.

Ben actually took a step back away from Lucas.  The harsh words had come so quickly and with so much vehemence that Ben wasn't sure how to react.

"Uh…kid, look…I'm just looking out for you.  So are your Mom and Dad.  She said it's real important right now that you be careful not to let yourself get worn down or else you could get sick again.  So come on, Lucas.  Let's just get a little something to eat and then you can get back to the moon pool with Darwin."

"I can't go in there," Lucas insisted.  "The smell…I'll throw-up."

"Okay," Ben said, trying to calm the boy down.  "I'll tell you what.  You stand right here.  Don't move, and I'll grab us two trays.  Then we can eat by the moon pool.  How does that sound?"

"Fine," Lucas replied, raising his hands to his ears, wishing like crazy he could block out the infernal sound.  Maybe he really was going crazy?  No!  No.  He wasn't going crazy.  It was the drugs.  Just the drugs.  Three more days.  He only had to be on them for three more days and then he would be okay.

"Lucas?" Ben said.  He was becoming afraid.  It looked like Lucas was trying to smash his head in with his hands.  His eyes were closed tight like he was in pain.  "Lucas, talk to me."  Ben put his hands on Lucas' arms in an attempt to get the boy to lower them.

Lucas suddenly snapped back to attention and opened his eyes.  He lowered his arms and gave Ben a lopsided grin.  "Sorry.  My ears are acting a little funny."

Ben just stared at him, not totally convinced.  "Lucas, do you want to go see Kristin.  She might be able to help."

"I'm fine," Lucas stated.  "Go get our lunch already so I can get back to work."

"Are you sure you'll be okay here by yourself for just a minute?" Ben asked.  

"Ben, you're only going in the next room.  I'll survive by myself for thirty whole seconds."  Lucas crossed his arms and rolled his eyes like Ben was just the most looney person in the whole world.

Ben forced himself not to comment on Lucas' behavior even though he was tempted to say that it was somebody's naptime.  That would just upset Lucas even more and Ben knew that Lucas' rude and angry behavior really wasn't his fault at the moment.  Kristin had warned him in advance that Lucas wouldn't be himself until the treatment was done.  Still, the kid was acting like a total jerk.

"Stay here," Ben ordered.  He went into the mess and grabbed to trays and started to load them up with food.

Suddenly Lucas was feeling smothered.  Honestly, what did they expect him to do?  It wasn't like he could run away or something.  You can't actually run away from a submarine.  He was trapped on this boat.  Hell, he'd probably end up spending his whole stinking life on this tub.

Suddenly Lucas took off running.  He didn't even know why, he just did.  It seemed like the thing to do at the moment.  He just wanted to be alone.  He wanted to be free.  He wanted people to stop worrying about him so much.  He wanted the damn buzzing in his head to stop.  The sound never changed, neither in volume or pitch.  Just the same monotonous hummmmmm, that never ending hummmmm!  He was sick of being sick.  In his mind he couldn't remember what it was like to not be sick anymore.

__________________

"No!" Ben groaned as he stepped out of the mess.  "No!  No!  No!!  Damn it!"  He threw the trays into the trash and took off running.  He pulled out his PAL.  "Security!  Find Lucas!  I repeat!  Find Lucas!"

He couldn't believe this was happening.  If Lucas did something stupid Ben would never forgive himself.  He was supposed to be looking after the kid.  Damn, why did he leave the kid alone for even a second!

"Okay Ben, think like Lucas.  Where would he go?  The moon pool!"  Ben picked up speed as he ran to the moon pool hoping to find Lucas playing with Darwin.

___________________

Nathan heard the ship wide call to security.  He closed his eyes and tried to find out where Lucas was.  He was surprised to find that he couldn't figure it out.  Lucas was confused, disoriented, and volatile, his thoughts were coming to Nathan like a jigsaw puzzle and he couldn't make sense of it.  The only thing Nathan could clearly pick up from Lucas was the incessant humming that was plaguing the boy.

Nathan hurried off the bridge to try and find him.  He knew Lucas liked to hide in that small hole on E deck by the boilers.  That was where he found him the day he had been attacked in the brig.  He pulled out his PAL as he ran and paged Kristin.

"Kristin is Lucas with you?"

"No, I was hoping he had come to you.  Have they found him?" she asked.

"Not yet.  I'm going to E-deck."

"Fine, I'm searching all of the labs.  Can't you sense where he is?" Kristin said.

"I tried.  His mind is too cloudy.  I can't understand his thoughts at the moment.  I'll talk to you soon."  Nathan put his PAL away and ran down the stairs two at a time.

_______________

Lucas had gone to the boiler room but then proceeded to run right through it.  He'd heard the ship wide security call.  They were hunting for him.  Why couldn't everyone just leave him alone?

He clutched at his head once more, trying to force his ears to stop listening to the hum.  He ran to the engine room.  It was loud in here as the giant turbines roared with life.  Lucas started to cry as he realized that even with the loud engines running at full speed he could still hear the humming.  

Why did life insist on torturing him?  When would he finally be able to find some peace?  He was on the verge of hysterics.

Lucas heard several men shouting back and forth as they were coming towards him.  He quickly ducked behind some large consoles and huddled in the floor.  He didn't worry about trying to be quiet or breathing too loud.  They'd never hear him in here.  He saw the shadows of the men as they ran past him.  He was safe here for a little while.

In some nether region of his mind he knew he was behaving irrationally.  He knew that Mom and Dad would be terrified when they couldn't find him.  He knew he would be causing a panic for the entire boat.  He knew all these things and yet he stayed hidden behind the consoles.  He had this overwhelming feeling that if he came out of hiding then something horrible would happen.  After all, horrible things seemed to happen to him all the time.  No, it was better to stay put.  He was safe here.

_____________________

Kristin finished searching the labs along with a security detail.  Lucas wasn't anywhere in sight.  Just then she saw Ben searching the moon pool area.

"Ben what happened?" Kristin asked.

"The kid just took off on me.  We were about to get lunch and he started yelling that he wasn't a baby, that he wasn't hungry, and then he kept grabbing at his head, like his ears were hurting him.  I got him calmed down and went to grab us some food and poof, the kid just up and disappears on me.  Kristin I'm really sorry.  I should have kept a better eye on him."

"When Lucas wants to give someone the slip it's going to happen whether you want it to or not," Kristin sighed.

"What about the Captain?  Can't he just pull it out of thin air where Lucas is hiding?  That's what he usually does."

"It's not working this time," Kristin said.  "I just spoke with Nathan a minute ago.  He's searching the boiler room.  He said Lucas' mind is all jumbled at the moment and he can't get a clear image of anything."

"Damn," Ben sighed.

_________________

Over two hours had passed since the search for Lucas had begun.  Nathan and Kristin were becoming increasingly worried.  People were searching the access tubes and even pulling up the floors searching for him.

Lucas was still hiding in the same spot.  As the time passed he was actually becoming afraid.  Everyone was going to be so angry with him for causing so much trouble.  Why had he run away in the first place?  He couldn't remember anymore.  He would be able to think clearly if he could just have some peace and quiet in his head.  What would Dad say to him when he finally found him?  Would he yell?  Would he hit?  No, Dad doesn't hit.  Not this Dad.  Well…there were a couple of times, but they were accidents.  But then when ever you got hit it was an accident, at least that was what he had been told his entire life.  

Oh, don't worry about the bruise on my eye.  It was an accident.  I walked in to a door.  My arm?  Oh that's no big deal.  I had an accident.  I fell off my bike.  A broken leg, it was just an accident.  I fell down the stairs.  So many accidents in one life time.

But the Captain was different.  Those were real accidents.  Right?  Suddenly Lucas couldn't seem to remember what had really happened.  He closed his eyes and saw Lawrence hitting him, kicking him…but the face changed, now it was the Captain striking him over and over.

"You're worthless Lucas.  You always will be."  His mother's voice.  Cynthia was always so cruel to him.  He turned his head to look at her but it wasn't Cynthia.  Kristin was standing there, filing her nails.  

"You know you're father has to hit you.  It's to teach you.  You bring it on yourself," Kristin told him.

"No." Lucas whimpered.  "No it's not true.  I'm not bad."  He could hear all four of them…Lawrence, Cynthia, Kristin, and the Captain in his head…all speaking at the same time.  "You spoke of family matters.  You have to be punished."

"Leave me alone," Lucas pleaded.  "Leave me alone!" he yelled loudly.

_________________

"Did you hear that?" Miguel said.

"Yeah, I did," Crocker replied.  "It came from over there."

The two men hurried over to the consoles Lucas was hiding behind.  Miguel was the first to see that Lucas had squeezed himself behind them and was cowering next to the wall.

"Lucas I am so glad to see you," Miguel said.  He saw that Lucas didn't seem to hear him.  "Lucas…Lucas come on out.  The Captain and Kristin have been worried sick."

"Go away," Lucas said.  "I won't let them hit me again.  I won't.  Stay away from me."

"Lucas, the Captain and Kristin would never hit you.  You know that.  Lucas come on out so we can help you," Crocker said.

Lucas ignored them.  Crocker saw the tears running down Lucas' cheeks.  "Miguel can you squeeze behind this thing and get him?"

Miguel could fit about half of his body back there but he was too big to be able to reach down and get Lucas out of the corner.

"No can do," Miguel said.  

Crocker pulled out his PAL and paged the Captain.

"Bridger," came the sound through the small device.

"Cap, Crocker here.  We've found Lucas.  We're in the engine room.  He's squeezed himself behind some consoles and we can't get him out.  Maybe you can talk him out of there."

"I'm on my way," Nathan said.  "How does he seem?"

"He looks scared.  He's crying and says he doesn't want to be hit anymore," Crocker replied.

"Fine, I'm going to have Kristin meet us there.  Bridger out."

Crocker put his PAL away and stepped back by Lucas.  "Son your Dad is going to be here soon, along with your Mom.  Everything is going to be okay Lucas, I promise."

Crocker and Miguel made sure to stay close to Lucas just on the off chance that they boy might come out and try to hide once more.  It only took a couple of minutes for Nathan to arrive.

"Where is he?" Nathan asked.

"Back there," Crocker pointed.

Nathan walked to the back of the consoles and saw Lucas.  "Lucas, Lucas look at me.  It's Dad.  Lucas you need to come out of there."

"Dad please don't be mad at me," Lucas groaned.

"I'm not mad, but I need you to come out of there now.  Come on out and we can go to our quarters.  You can be alone there, and Darwin can stay with you by your bed if you want him too."

"Dad I don't know what to do," Lucas whined.  "I can't think.  The noise in my head…it never stops…I…I…please don't hit me."

"Lucas I swear to you no one is going to hit you," Nathan said.  "You know I'd never let anyone hurt you if it were in my power to stop it.  Lucas you're just a little mixed up right now."

"Nathan."

Nathan looked back to see Kristin and Ben standing behind them.  "Lucas, Mom is here and so is Ben.  Why don't you come on out so we can all go home?"  He waited for a reply but Lucas didn't appear to be listening anymore.  He was skinny enough to squeeze behind the consoles to try and pull Lucas out, but he was afraid that would send Lucas into a panic.  The kid obviously felt safe where he was.

"Nathan, let me try," Kristin said.  She waited for Nathan to move out of the way and then she squeezed behind the console where Lucas was.  "Lucas, I've got something for you," she said.  She held up R.B. and handed him to Lucas.  Lucas stared for a moment and then took the bear.  He looked up at Kristin as if he were seeing her for the first time.

"Mom, what's wrong with me?"

"Darling you're having a bad reaction to your medicine, but I'm going to fix it.  I promise I'm not going to hurt you and neither is anyone else.  Do you trust me?"

"Y…Yes," Lucas said meekly.

"Lucas, I need you to give me your arm.  Hold it out for me," Kristin directed.  She gave Lucas a reassuring smile when he did.  "Okay, you're going to feel a little poke.  This is just something to relax you."

"You're not going to put me to sleep are you?" Lucas asked, pulling his arm back.

"No, this won't put you to sleep," Kristin reassured.  "Now come on, give me your arm again."

Once more Lucas raised his arm to her.  As gently as she could in the confined area she injected Lucas.  

"Now what?" Lucas asked.

"Now we wait until you feel a little calmer.  Then we can go back to our quarters and you can try to get some rest."

"Okay," Lucas said.

"I'm going to step out of here so I can stretch my legs, but I'm not leaving," Kristin said.

Lucas nodded his head, but made no attempt to follow her out.  Nathan and every one was waiting for her the second she stood up.

"What did you give him?" Nathan asked.

"Haloperidol, it's a mild tranquilizer.  It won't put him to sleep but it will ease his tension and paranoia."

"So you gave the kid a buzz," Ben surmised.

"No Lt. Krieg, I did not give him a buzz," Kristin corrected.  "I gave him something to calm him down."

"So how long do we wait?" Nathan asked.

"We should be able to talk him out of there in a few minutes," Kristin said.

"Can you do anything to help ease the side effects?" Nathan asked.  

"I'll keep him on the Haloperidol for the rest of his treatment.  Unfortunately I can't give him anything to stop the buzzing in his ears, but the Haloperidol should help to make that a little more bareable.  If I had known he was suffering the side effects this strongly I would have put him on it sooner.  He managed to hide this from me."

"I knew he was having some problems, but even I didn't realize how badly," Nathan said.

"Well, in our defense," Kristin said, "the drugs have a cumulative effect, so the effects have been slowly building in him until he finally couldn't take it anymore."

"Dad?"

Nathan stepped back to Lucas.  "I'm here."

"Dad I want to go to my room," Lucas said.

"Then you have to come out," Nathan explained.  He smiled and offered Lucas a hand as he saw the boy struggle to get to his feet in the narrow space.  As soon as Lucas was clear Nathan embraced the boy.

"I'm sorry for causing so much trouble."

"Let's not worry about it right now," Nathan said.  "Let's just get you back to your room."

 ___________________

Kristin sat on the edge of Lucas' bed.  She pulled the blanket up to chin and draped it over him.  After a long talk and a light meal the boy had finally fallen asleep.  She stood up and left him alone in his room.

Nathan and Ben were waiting for her in the family room.  

"He's sleeping," Kristin said.

"I'm so sorry I let him get away from me," Ben said.  "One minute he was there and then he wasn't."

"It's not your fault," Kristin said.  "Honest.  None of us knew this was going to happen today."

"I have 'some' good news at least," Nathan said.  "Tonight when the sun goes down we're raiding Drake's island.  Hopefully we'll apprehend him tonight and we can leave here.  I know staying in this area isn't helping Lucas' mental state.  The UEO wants us at Norfolk by the end of the week.  We have to put on one of their dog and pony shows."

"Not again," Ben said.  "The last one of those we went too didn't turn out so great.  Secretary Dre turning out to be a traitor and all kinda made the UEO look bad, if you know what I mean."

"Well take my word for it, Secretary Noyce isn't a traitor.  Still, these things cost a fortune and it comes out of our budget," Nathan said.

"I hope you're referring to the military budget and not the science budget," Kristin exclaimed.  Nathan gave her a don't ask look.

"So Lucas is going to be okay?" Ben asked.

"Yes, he will.  He only has three more days on his treatment, then a day or two for them to work their way out of his system.  He should be fine by the time we get to Virginia.  Actually, your dog and pony show might be a good thing," Kristin said.  "Lucas could use a little time off the boat after everything he's been through.  Maybe I'll take him sight seeing or just out to a movie and shopping while you entertain the brass."

"No fair," Nathan complained.  "You guys are going to leave me alone with a bunch of military stiffs and you're going to go have fun.  At the very least you can come to the dinner benefit with me."

"I'll think about it," Kristin said.  "I'm not exactly known for my ability to get along with military stiffs."

"That's the truth," Ben laughed.

"Just what does that mean?" Kristin asked.

"Uh…nothing," Ben said, wiping the grin off his face.  

"That's what I thought," Kristin said with a smirk.  "If you two will excuse me I'm going to go sit with Lucas for a while."

Kristin stood up and went back into her son's room.  He had rolled over and was facing the aquatube.  Darwin was there spying on his human family.  Kristin waved at Darwin and he nodded his head up and down in greetings to her.  She had a seat back on the bed and rested her back on the head of the bed.  Lucas rolled over and looked at her.

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to wake you," she said.

"'is okay," Lucas mumbled.  He rolled over some more so that his head was resting in her lap.  Kristin smiled and started to play with his soft hair.

From the family room Nathan sat watching them.  He always felt his heart swell when he saw Lucas and Kristin together like they were now.  He remembered feeling the same with Carol and Robert.  There was just something about seeing a mother and child together that seemed so right.  Hopefully he could manage to spend a little time with Kristin and Lucas while they went sightseeing in Virginia.  After the past two weeks they all could use a break.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


End file.
